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Ever since some retarded Nigerian tried to blow up an aeroplane on Christmas Day, officials - with ties to the industries making the devices, of course - are falling over themselves to get body scanning devices into airports. These aren't just regular X-ray machines, though; they are meant to take a full imprint of the human body, and show it, with the intent of showing concealed weapons (as if anyone's stupid enough to bring a gun on a plane at this point). These machines are being attacked on all fronts; privacy activists are complaining that they show too much and leave nothing to the imagination, and could lead to images being sold on the internet (seriously; look at this image, which shows literally the size of both peoples' breasts/penis + scrotum). Australia has admitted this is the case, - the UK did, but also said that the images "wouldn't excite a thirteen year old", seriously underestimating thirteen year olds - but thankfully, Australia also puts their citizens under no pretences. "We are going to a police state, and there is nothing you can do about it. We tell you what you can watch, what you can do, and how you talk to people. We own you. Go back to sleep, you are powerless". Of course, this is only an issue in the UK because it violates child pornography laws; it's OK for grown adults to be reduced to absolutely nothing, but a child is not good. Finally, security experts are saying that they just don't work; they wouldn't have noticed the plastic explosive the Nigerian guy had, and don't notice other things that could work. Furthermore, the equipment is only as good as the people using it... and we all know how well that works.

Well, that shouldn't stop anyone! I mean, if a device that already practically strips us naked isn't good enough, we have to get better! You wouldn't want to have a plane blown up, would you? You're not supporting the terrorists, are you? Therefore, everyone should abide by these two new rules, that I think we're heading towards at this point.

1) From now on, while pre-boarding, everyone - regardless of age or gender - should be strip-searched. Don't even bother with private areas; just have everyone strip bare-ass naked, in public, and have clumsy, poorly trained security personnel go through their most intimate possessions looking for weapons or other artifacts of destruction. We already have people going barefoot through detectors, this just takes it to the extreme! We can't have these people - even kids, you know how kids are these days - POTENTIALLY bringing down an aeroplane! As for concerns about the kids being objectified by paedophiles because they're naked in a public area, I maintain that we're just preparing these kids - especially the girls - for real life at that point. Not only can we not risk anyone POTENTIALLY bringing a bomb on-board a plane, we're building character, one shivering, embarrassed twelve year old at a time!

2) If you're "Muslim"1, you get the special package! In this same public area, you will be treated to a cavity search. No warning, no dignity, just spread your cheeks, lift your sack, and hope the agent is liberal with the Astroglide. Muslims might complain that not only is this profiling, but it's against their religion to be treated in this indignifying way, but it's been scientifically proven that Allah is totally inferior to our Christian God, so their complaints are moot on those grounds. Retired USAF General Thomas McInerney went half way on this recently, stating that all "Muslim" men 18-28 should be strip-searched, but he didn't go all the way because he's a pussy who secretly wants a plane to go down. I don't go half-ass when it comes to keeping Americans safe!

This is the only way we're going to keep America safe! President Barack Obama might have said that it was really intelligence failures that caused this person - a person that was already on a watch list, and who's father literally warned anti-terror agencies that his son was going to do something drastic - but he's really just covering for his own inadequacy; in fact, he is personally responsible for what happened. It's true, Dick Morris said so himself!2 We all know it's his stated objective to hurt an America he wasn't born in. Thank God we have people like Dick Morris and I around, to bring this country closer to Australia.

1 - Definition of "Muslim" - Arabic looking person, regardless of religious preference.
2 - Dick Morris helped Bill Clinton win not only his gubernatorial race in Arkansas, he also helped him be re-elected President in 1996. After a couple of arguments with him, Dick literally went the opposite direction politically, and now stumps for Republican candidates while espousing the most heavy-handed, Neo-Conservative rhetoric I've ever personally seen. If politics are a foxhole, Dick is the guy flashing your coordinates to the enemy over a fight with a platoon-mate over a titty magazine.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
dmajohnson
Jan. 7th, 2010 02:16 am (UTC)
Don't worry, this won't be necessary. See, in a few years the TSA is just going to stick every passenger in a diaper and strap them in Hannibal Lecter style before rolling them out to the plane. Not only does it solve the problem of people getting up in the middle of the flight for anything, but since you can just pack them in there like cargo you can fit more people per flight!
samuraiter
Jan. 7th, 2010 02:55 am (UTC)
*nods*

I have been following this ... intrusion, and for that reason, I have no intention of taking a plane until the TSA reverses these policies that make air travel a menace to the passengers. (In other words, I will not be flying in a plane for ... decades, it seems.)
sam767
Jan. 7th, 2010 06:16 am (UTC)
What a time in history to live in. ^_^
burning_phoneix
Jan. 7th, 2010 09:56 pm (UTC)
Hey hey! Don't forget that if you're an Arabic looking person on a plane watching a hollywood movie and you happen to get up when the seat belt sign is on, then the only logical conclusion is that you're going to blow yourself up and you should be arrested.

http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2009/12/27/20091227usairways1228.html
butter_building
Jan. 9th, 2010 12:09 am (UTC)
A TSA officer patted my nads on my trip back from Vermont. In front of hundreds of people.

Not flying again for a few years.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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