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LOL Microsoft

I'm sorry, but this is a hoot.

I can imagine the meeting leading up to this...

"OK. Vista's taking a beating in the press, in advertisements, and in word of mouth. We've got very good technicians on all sides of the divide stressing everyone to either wait for the new Windows 7 or go to another operating system, be it OS/X or one of the Linux distributions. Users have concerns about our privacy settings and the conflict of interest we show between people that advertise with us, the government and our customers, routinely shafting our customers in the name of DRM and backdoors into their systems. We need to shove Vista down the throats of the average consumer to the fullest extent that antitrust laws allow us to. What should we do about this?"

"Um... well, Vista is a resource hog, so maybe we could tighten the code with the next service pack to make it take up less resources? You know, the service pack we tried to bully people into buying Vista for?"

"Clean out your desk, you stupid motherfucker! Get out of my face! Who else?"

"OK, sir, we had good intentions with User Account Controls, but the controls and nag screens are so intrusive that people are just clicking past them as a matter of course; they might as well be telling the uses that their 13 year old daughters are the bullseyes in a circle-jerk and they would blindly click past it to install a screensaver. I know this is a sensitive topic, but perhaps we could..."

"Don't say the L-word..."

"... well, sir, most... uh, FLAVOURS of... uh, Inux-Lay, have a system where, if you want to do something administrative..."

"Don't you fucking go there..."

"... um, it makes you put in a password of a root administrator, for security reasons... sir, I just think that we can market it so that we're not outright saying we're taking an idea from Linux... oh shit! Oh shit!"

"SECURITY! Escort this man out! Beat the shit out of him in front of his wife and kids! OK... anyone else?"

*timidly* "Well, sir, our policy of twisting the arms of the OEMs is backfiring, between Dell offering XP and many more system builders offering naked systems, and I think our prospects of forcing Congress to state that anyone buying a computer without a Microsoft OS on it is automatically a pirate isn't going to fly... *reflexive flinch*... ... OK... so as I was saying, since we're putting our finger in a crack the size of our heads, and we can't hold Ed Bott's family hostage forever, maybe... we should write this off as Windows ME2, and focus on the upcoming Wind--*BONK*

"Yeah, you feel that motherfucker!? That's the Chair of Justice, bitch! I'm cookin' with gas! Don't fuck with the chair of justice, you faggot! OK... still taking ideas, anyone else?"

*thirty seconds of silence*

*someone stands up, after silently crossing himself*

"I got it! How about we start an advertising campaign, telling people the "truth" about Vista? We can pretend we're as witty as the Apple guys and those funny commercials!"

"... Tell me more."

*sigh* "OK! OK! I figure if we use some money, we can put out a FUD campaign to bullshit and bully people into buying our products, that way, not only do we hit more of our core market, which as you all know are average users who don't know a keyboard from a bass guitar, we can tell people that we didn't have to change anything, and it was all a media campaign to discredit Big Bad Microsoft! That will be a PR victory!"

"... I like it! Let's devote $300 million to that! I like you! The rest of you, you're fired! Get the fuck out of my building! Security! Begin the cleansing!"


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 8th, 2008 11:15 pm (UTC)
Windows Vista is almost the same quality as Windows XP. (which isn't saying much)

But now that consumers have much more choice in OSes, these faults become glaringly obvious.
Jul. 9th, 2008 12:12 am (UTC)
"I got it! How about we start an advertising campaign, telling people the "truth" about Vista? We can pretend we're as witty as the Apple guys and those funny commercials!"

Epic win right there, time to worry about the truth. I don't use Vista but I know my college was planning to. The keyword is "was".
Jul. 9th, 2008 02:20 am (UTC)
Vista is the fat American at McDonald's.

XP, at least, goes to Wendy's instead.
Jul. 9th, 2008 06:47 am (UTC)
I have no intention of "upgrading" to Vista.

As an aside, those Mac commercials are obnoxious as hell.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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