So I'm GLAD that they suspended Sean Avery! In fact, I'm glad to see where the NHL's priorities really lie!
Gary Betteman was DECISIVE! Avery, you WILL get on a plane and talk to me in New York even after your team has left Calgary and heads to Edmonton! You will NOT play in Calgary against the man you just disparaged (for those unaware: Avery made sure TSN cameras were local before commenting about how the league has fallen in love with his "sloppy seconds", a direct reference to Dion Phaneuf dating his ex girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert, and indirectly directed at a couple other people dating his ex-girlfriends), where there could be one of those icky "fights" that we want to secretly get rid of! You have shamed not only yourself and your team, but the GAME ITSELF! We HATE you, Sean Avery! And we're going to slap your wrist SO HARD!
So go, Gary! Mister decider, going in to save the game! And if he didn't do it, by gum, Tom Hicks and his team would have suspended a player who just signed a four year, $15.75m deal! Show that dastard!
As a matter of fact, I'm so glad that the NHL decided to jump on some guy making the equivalent of a middle school "'Yo Mama" joke, that I'm willing to permanently and forever ignore the fact that these same people have not done anything - his GMs even rejected this proposal in June - to bring in no-touch icing after the multitude of injuries to people like Kurtis Foster, Alexei Ponikarovski and Mike Van Ryn (Edit: Remember Mark Tinordi? His career was ended in this fashion. But he was a faggot, right? Obviously not a proud Canadian...). Who cares about those people, or the tens of others shown explicitly during the entirety of a Coach's Corner during the first intermission of the Toronto game last week? Did Mike Van Ryn intern with Esquire during the summer? I fucking think not! It's "part of the game", right, Lou? It's all worth it to keep the amount of icings in a game down! We need that time for TV time-outs!
And furthermore, there's no need to do anything about the hits from behind by players such as Mike Greer and Ryan Hollweg! They're just finishing their checks! It's the other players turning away! Why, if they just didn't go near the boards, these guys wouldn't have to get hit! What a bunch of pansies! Back in the old days, players took hits into the boards from behind all the time! And they were thankful! I mean, sure, they would fight anyone who treated them like that, but we don't have that to worry about anymore! Thank you, fight instigator rule! After all, Hollweg's hit on Chris Simon wasn't even a penalty, but when a dazed and confused Simon took his stick to Hollweg's head, bang! That's an embarrassment to the league! Enjoy Russia, asshole!
I'm glad that Gary Bettman did the job of Tom Hicks - after all, he works for the owners - and suspended that mean Avery for the damage he did this great game, and this great league, and kept Hicks from having to deal with any red tape or so-called "grievances" from that pesky NHLPA, or what's left of it, after Bettman did the game right by cancelling an entire season just to break that union! I love you, Gary! Keep getting rid of fighting via instigator rules and suspending players before they can be made to back up silly statements (all while saying that you "respect" fighting and think it belongs in the game; you coy one, you!), keep not doing anything about injuries from boardings and chases for iced pucks, you have priorities elsewhere with that pesky fashion fag who's own team hates him!