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I'm reviewing an Army Men game!

Guys. Those of you that read my reviews.

What do you prefer: when I review a good game and give it it's just due?

Or do you prefer when I blister the fuck out of a pathetic game?

If you like the latter, HO BOY are you going to be in for a treat! Army Men: Soldiers of Misfortune is SO bad, that in order to salvage any fun out of this game, I might go into full heel mode. We could be looking at a 2.5 here.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 23rd, 2008 10:49 pm (UTC)
Hey, I'm turning in my first roasting. 8D If I hadn't already been disabused of the notion of liking every single game no matter how bad long ago, I would be now~ ^____^
Dec. 23rd, 2008 11:13 pm (UTC)
It's going to be very interesting to see you roast a game. I haven't seen it yet~ <3
Dec. 24th, 2008 05:37 pm (UTC)
I'm reading your review, and you do a very good job with detail here. It's exceptionally well written.

One thing stands out to me, though: it's dry. I figure you're going to show more personality as you get more comfortable with your writing, but if you compare your review to how Alex flames a bad game, or how I'm going to roast Army Men, you'll notice that we show a lot more personality. There's no reason to re-read a review of a bad game unless the author is funny, as in "hey check out what this guy said I like him!". Notice Paul below saying that he likes watching ZP because of this; if anything, I DON'T like ZP as a reviewer because he always gets the best lines ("This is gameplay I would expect from a fucking ROM HACK, designed by HITLER!" - I can't beat that. Ever. :().

You know what you should do some day? Find an exceptionally bad game on a ROM, like a bad NES or SNES game, and work on that. Just let loose at a time when it doesn't "count". Take a game such as, oh, Deadly Towers for the NES or Rise of the Robots for the SNES. Or one of the shittier Sonic games (Sonic R! Sonic 3D Blast! Oh, what has happened to you, Sonic?). Best of all, those reviews could go to Crystal's site!
Dec. 24th, 2008 07:01 pm (UTC)
Eheh, I was focusing on getting all the technical stuff covered as thoroughly as possible and...uh, not sucking. I was also afraid that I might end up forcing jokes. XD; Though I thought there was some levity in the review (like how I jokingly reveled in the joys of driving recklessly and aggressively), but OK, I can work on injecting more personality. I almost wonder if I should've incorporated that Stockholm Syndrome comment I made in the staff forums. :P

I actually submitted my test review to her, but I wasn't sure if I was in the clear for my other reviews. >>; But yeah, practice roastings should be fun. :P
Dec. 24th, 2008 07:09 pm (UTC)
That's what I mean by you getting better with practise; you won't have to force as much in the future. You did include some levity, and it played well. As you write more reviews of bad games, you will get better at humour, especially once you learn to include the thoughts you get in your stream-of-consciousness playing in a professional environment. If you would have watched a video of me playing Army Men, you'd think I was trying to copy the Angry Gamer Nerd.

I think I can speak for Crystal: you're in the clear. Trust me on that one. Have you seen the other shit they've turned into that site!? Other than Crys and myself, no one there can write a good review, or even a below-average one. They suck. Even your worst work would look good compared to a lot of that stuff.
Dec. 24th, 2008 01:23 am (UTC)
There is a reason Zero Punctuation is one of the few reviewers I look to anymore. Though one of the reasons is my lack of playing very many video games anymore, BUT.
Dec. 24th, 2008 02:06 am (UTC)
Lock and load, man.
Dec. 24th, 2008 02:11 am (UTC)
I prefer a mix of both, personally. Hearing you praise games left and right gets boring since it'll seem like there's no game that can do you wrong. However, if you go to the other extreme of beating the shit out of every game you review, I'll start to question why you're even bothering to play video games in the first place (why do something you hate, you know?). /seriousanswer

That said, I am looking forward to how you'll be rating this Army Men game. And on that note, ever hear of Cannon Fodder?
Dec. 24th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
I fucking LOVE Cannon Fodder! That game is ridiculously addictive. It doesn't really rate as a "good" game by measurable metrics - guys get stuck in places leaving themselves vulnerable, there are a lot of cheap deaths, etc. - but that doesn't matter to me. It's like Mount + Blade; it might not rate well, but I love it anyway.
Dec. 24th, 2008 04:46 am (UTC)
So, when is the roasting scheduled? I don't want to miss it! :(
Dec. 24th, 2008 05:22 pm (UTC)
I should have it written tonight or early tomorrow, hopefully to go live by Friday. I'm also working on a preview of another Paradox release, Elven Legacy. I have some hope for that.
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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