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Yesterday, I went to breakfast with my recruiter from TEK Systems. We talked a bit about my career, what it would take to get me back into the field ("NO HELP DESK"), some idle hockey talk, and my old company, which I didn't have a lot to say positive about. My breakfast was Plaza Diner's awesome three-egg omelette with ham and cheese, home fries, and water.

Unfortunately, their three-egg omelette is rich. And as I have to wonder if I'm lactose intolerant at this point, the result was predictable. Afterwards, I left to see some friends in the Milford Post Mall, but got there before it opened; by the time I got to the other end of the mall - where I could kill time at Target, which opens at 8 instead of 10:30 like the rest of the mall - I realised I had to find a bathroom. Fast.

Thankfully, at this point in the morning, the bathrooms in the mall hadn't had to suffer through the day yet, and therefore were reasonably clean (meaning, I didn't need detox afterwards). But as I sat in the stall, contemplating killing every chicken and cow in the world in a mad fit of revenge, I heard someone come into the bathroom and start talking.

This is the almost complete dialogue that he went through. I am taking NO artistic liberty with this. Also, bear in mind that other than him, and myself in the stall, there was no one else in the bathroom. Also, it was at about 10AM. Finally, picture this being said by someone who stole Sam Elliott's voice.

"Aaaaaaah, there's nothin' fuckin' better than takin' a piss, I fuckin' tell 'ya, takin' a good long piss is better than sex, well fuck that, not really sex, but it's the second best thing, takin' a piss and a shit, only fuckin' sex is better, these motherfuckers don't understand, man, takin' a piss is the second best fuckin' thing to sex, these stupid motherfuckers out here think they can boss me around, I'm nobody's fuckin' slave, I'll beat the fuck outta' anyone that fuckin' tries to take me on, ain't none'a these motherfuckers tougher than me, there's not a person out there that can fuckin' beat me up, fuckin' motherfuckers, damn this feels good, fuckin' motherfuckers, I'ma gonna get somethin' to eat, fuckin' cheeseburger sounds good, yeah, these motherfuckers ain't gonna fuckin' boss me around, fuck these motherfuckers..."

And then he left.

And my life was forever changed. I've seen the light. And the light is motherfuckin' glorious.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
samuraiter
Sep. 4th, 2009 01:21 am (UTC)
The best things in life come out of motherfuckin' nowhere. :-D
popo_licious
Sep. 4th, 2009 01:43 am (UTC)
I wish the girl's bathroom was as interesting as that. XD
sam767
Sep. 4th, 2009 06:08 am (UTC)
He's right, a good shit is quite nice. Sometimes after a comfy one I think I might like to do it again.
butter_building
Sep. 4th, 2009 08:47 pm (UTC)
I was just thinking this the other day.
burning_phoneix
Sep. 5th, 2009 01:24 am (UTC)
He's right about everything except taking a shit. 8)
otosaretatenshi
Sep. 7th, 2009 07:48 am (UTC)
... Oh wow, that is motherfuckin' hilarious. XD
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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